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Author Topic: I'm back but... is anyone else?  (Read 223 times)

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Ashton Durkhun

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I'm back but... is anyone else?
« on: March 25, 2019, 08:34 AM »

Yeah... been a while, eh? I think there is only 1 fur on here that might still vaguely remember who I am... if there is even anyone else here...

But if anyone sees this and does remember me... Sorry for leaving in a huff like I did... or out of the blue... Some bad things happened between me and someone else on the site and I did the most mature thing I was capable of at the time - I just walked away instead of causing drama.

Sadly, grudges are like live electrical wires and once you grab one its hard to let go... but they do eventually run their course (the grudges, not the electrical wires, those tend to keep running until the power is shut off) A lot of stuff has happened since then, a lot of changes... and yet, somehow... I ended up back here, the only place I ever really felt safe and "at home" online... Suffice to say I've grown up a lot, and I've learned much. I've said in the past that I'll wander back and forth and I'll get mad and leave and come back and then do it all over again soon...

No. Not this time.

It took a long time, but I found my way home. Even if the skeletons come back out of the closet, I will face the music, and we will dance a dance of darkness, but when the music stops I won't be the one who walks out crying and screaming.

I'm back, and you all better be ready because this time, I'm not leaving.
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Kata'lina

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Re: I'm back but... is anyone else?
« Reply #1 on: March 25, 2019, 11:44 AM »

OMG i was JUST fucking thinking about you!!! How are you?

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Re: I'm back but... is anyone else?
« Reply #2 on: March 25, 2019, 11:46 AM »

Oh Ashton, you just made my heart go all fluttery! *hugs* Welcome home sweetie.

I will admit, the forum is pretty quiet. But I made a promise years ago, that for as long as i can afford it, I won't shut the forum down.

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I exist to think of things that you didn't think has been thought of yet.

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Ashton Durkhun

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Re: I'm back but... is anyone else?
« Reply #3 on: March 25, 2019, 12:54 PM »

Oh Ashton, you just made my heart go all fluttery! *hugs* Welcome home sweetie.

I will admit, the forum is pretty quiet. But I made a promise years ago, that for as long as i can afford it, I won't shut the forum down.

...so... I just dramatically swore to never again leave a ghost town...

Meh, still no regrets :P

(yep, still an arsehole, that's never gonna change ;) )

And thank you, I really missed the place and everyone (or well for a while almost everyone) here. *huggles*

OMG i was JUST fucking thinking about you!!! How are you?

See! I knew you had super-powers, you managed to draw me back in with your mind-warping abilities ;)

and oh sweet cheezus, that is a long and complicated question to ask me x_x

If anyone else asked me that, I'd just say "meh, I'm ok, not great but not bad" Buuuuuut I have this strange feeling that you'd be able to smell that pile of BS even through teh interwebz....

Ok, so... some major life points I guess that are relevant or that might at least relate to what you remember about me...

Job:
I've changed jobs, several times... mostly due to exploitation (being used by a younger, new, employee as a "reason" to her parents that she had to quit... long story I dont really want to get into here, but sufice to say all I did was make 1 off-color joke which wasn't even that bad --- and the situation exploded) then the next job I was working as much as 16 hours a day and getting paid for 8 or less... then the next one I was working about 10 hours a day and getting paid for 8 (and dealing with the absolute worst customers in the entire town BY MYSELF (service job) including having to be the "unofficial" night-shift manager (meaning I was the manager but got no compensation - absolute minimum wage and not even able to put "manager" on my resume) which lead to having an emotional breakdown on the job after the worst night of my working life... which they took me off the schedule permanently for --- but they didn't fire me or even write me up... interestingly its been like 6 months since this and I still dont have any seperation notice so I may still be on the payroll there... Anyway, from there I took another job similar to the one I had when I was still on here, though right now I'm only getting around 14 hours a week... so... yeah... barely making my bills, but I am at least treading water now instead of sinking.

Personal Life:
I've had one complete relationship since I was on here, from start to end (not that it was as intense in retrospect but at the time I felt pretty genuine), and I've had a couple failed attempts otherwise. I've also come to realize that I may not be bi-sexual, due to my lack of real *physical* interest in either sex, and instead be a-sexual... and not that it will surprise you, but I'm pretty sure I'm TG too, but my gender identity does not have a huge impact on me (mostly just "yeah, all things considered I'd be happier if I'd been born female --- but with social stigma and physical/financial cost to correct that, its not important enough to me to go through with) though I do crossdress a little more and push my boundaries a bit more.

however, the biggest change is a bit over a year ago I was officially diagnosed with depression. I actually got help and was feeling a lot better... then thanks to government mess I ended up after close to a year having to go off my meds cold-turkey (which was. not. fun.) and not been able to get back on them since and wont be able to for a long time, which I kinda feel is even worse since I now know how I *could* be feeling, and that only fuels the depression more...

Fandom life:
not a lot to say here, I kinda withdrew into my shell for a long time from the furry fandom except for continuing my old SFX art - though only rarely and never taking pics or posting because as bad as my self-critiquing was before, it's gotten 10x worse now... Though I have started watching a lot of furry content on youtube, which is nice, and I've decided when I finally get my bills under control again (right now more wishful thinking, but...) that I am going to try to make a fursuit... and considering I probably wont dislike or might even enjoy it, if I have the time and money I may actually try to become a maker part-time, but again this is just a "whenever I can" type deal... but it's downright painful to see the prices on suits today, especially when you compare it to the actual material cost...

Also, not a brony anymore. Well, no more than the typical furry that thinks of it as just one more piece of furry media (really, really, disliked how they handled character development in season... 3? 4? not 100% sure where I stopped now, its been so long, but they wreked two of my favorite parts of the show so. very. hard.) Still, I'm only "meh" about it now instead of against it. I would be willing to RP it still on my terms though, so yeah, again not "against" it but not really "for" it either anymore

Tangentially related here, but I've also surprisingly become a big fan of the new wave of Disney TV series that are making animation for everyone again! DT2017 and SvtFoE as well as Gravity Falls (and REALLY looking forward to hearing more about Owl House)

Oh and I actually did a furry costume for Halloween last year. In public! if you're interested I'll try to dredge up some photos. Surprisingly everyone I saw loved it and got absolutely zero criticism!



I think that's all the major points, all of those can be elaborated on, of course, if you want to know (This forum REALLY needs a Spoiler tag so I can collapse walls of text most furs don't care about or even want to read >.< ) I feel like I may have missed some stuff, but I'm sure it will come up at some point. Sorry if this was more disjointed or wierd than you remember, I kinda only got like 2-4 hours sleep last night and am honestly probably going to go take a nap as soon as I post this (or after I eat maybe) trying to get back on schedual since I have to work tomorrow... and friday... and thats it this week x_x

Anyway, Hopefully that atleast entertained you at points, and I hope things have been much better for you in this time :)
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The Pitiful Writer

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Re: I'm back but... is anyone else?
« Reply #4 on: March 25, 2019, 03:31 PM »

Only one person? What about me?! You're kinda hard to forget Ashton. :P

I would ask "How've you been?", but I think we have that covered now.

Still, nice to see ya. :>
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Ashton Durkhun

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Re: I'm back but... is anyone else?
« Reply #5 on: March 25, 2019, 06:12 PM »

Only one person? What about me?! You're kinda hard to forget Ashton. :P

I would ask "How've you been?", but I think we have that covered now.

Still, nice to see ya. :>

Doctor! *shakes head* er I mean Writer! *huggles*

Yeah, despite your best efforts, eh? ;)

Meh, I'm ok, not great but not bad.

*crickets chirping*

Oh, you... you already read the wall of text... heh... yeah, that line of BS isn't going to work on you now, is it....
(yes that bit was a bad joke)

Still, great to see you too, and yeah I hope your life has gone better than mine (not that its hard to do better than that, but....)
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The Pitiful Writer

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Re: I'm back but... is anyone else?
« Reply #6 on: March 26, 2019, 11:04 PM »

I'm doing pretty good, yeah.. Thanks.

Y'know, nothing makes you appreciate the stuff you have more than the misfortune of others. Save, perhaps your own misfortune. 

Either way, I really do hope things turn for the better for you soon. I'm open for a chat should you need anything.

And remember, in Norway that's not just platitudes. We actually answer truthfully when people ask "How are you?". It makes English people super awkward sometimes.
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Ashton Durkhun

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Re: I'm back but... is anyone else?
« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2019, 12:58 PM »

I'm doing pretty good, yeah.. Thanks.

Y'know, nothing makes you appreciate the stuff you have more than the misfortune of others. Save, perhaps your own misfortune. 

Either way, I really do hope things turn for the better for you soon. I'm open for a chat should you need anything.

And remember, in Norway that's not just platitudes. We actually answer truthfully when people ask "How are you?". It makes English people super awkward sometimes.

Glad to hear it :)

Yeah, sayings like that make me feel... odd... because there are people who are doing a lot better than me, but also people doing a lot worse... I'm at this weird place where, yeah, my problems are mostly small, but I have lots and lots of them so they add up --- but I don't have really horrible ones like physical illness or disability, so... yeah...  I am sad for people who have cancer and am glad I only have depression, but I also feel jealous of the people that have neither... so I feel bad/bad/good... if that makes any sense (which it may not... I had like 2 hours of sleep last night thanks to issues with my PC and then my Phone... plus basic insomnia... like I said, all minor problems but a large pile of them...)

Thank you, I have a few options on the horizon... but the horizon is still a ways off... and if things get any worse I may take you up on that chat...

wow, I had no idea, which is ironic since, not counting you, I've known two other ppl from that area and played online games with at least another dozen over the years... Thank you
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Aruna Lanate

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Re: I'm back but... is anyone else?
« Reply #8 on: March 30, 2019, 04:38 AM »

welcome back again
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The Pitiful Writer

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Re: I'm back but... is anyone else?
« Reply #9 on: March 30, 2019, 07:36 PM »

Glad to hear it :)

Yeah, sayings like that make me feel... odd... because there are people who are doing a lot better than me, but also people doing a lot worse... I'm at this weird place where, yeah, my problems are mostly small, but I have lots and lots of them so they add up --- but I don't have really horrible ones like physical illness or disability, so... yeah...  I am sad for people who have cancer and am glad I only have depression, but I also feel jealous of the people that have neither... so I feel bad/bad/good... if that makes any sense (which it may not... I had like 2 hours of sleep last night thanks to issues with my PC and then my Phone... plus basic insomnia... like I said, all minor problems but a large pile of them...)

Thank you, I have a few options on the horizon... but the horizon is still a ways off... and if things get any worse I may take you up on that chat...

wow, I had no idea, which is ironic since, not counting you, I've known two other ppl from that area and played online games with at least another dozen over the years... Thank you

Well, while there's always people who has it worse than you, that doesn't invalidate your own problems. It might sometimes help to put it in perspective, and make things that seem bigger than they are less looming and threatening, but they are still perfectly valid.

Feel free whenever you need an ear. PM me for either a Telegram or a Discord too if you want. I may not be a certified therapist, but I'm used to hear people out, and I've been known to -occasionally- give some half-decent advice too.

Norwegians adapt to the English standards when online, so we answer "fine, fine" and such, but yeah. We have no qualms about telling you about our day, the recent water damage to our house, that asshole at the bus today, etc. etc. if you ask us how we are. Most of the time you'll get a "Oh, just fine.", but certainly not always. I had no idea up until a while back that it was pretty much impolite to actually answer the question. Or, if not impolite, then certainly weird/awkward when people just want to small-talk.

Also, have this song about how it could always be worse.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78XrI_2bPVA
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